Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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