I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
