ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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