It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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