apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
