I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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