Ambien. No doubt about it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
