There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
