How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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