he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
