Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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