im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
