dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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