i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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