I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
