he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
