I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize