he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We are two peas in an std pod
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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