so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
