happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
