Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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