And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
