No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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