you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
