I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize