3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
