Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
