the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
