as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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