he told me I talked like a deaf person
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's never too late to be topless.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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