JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
No subtext here. People are naked.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
