My room smells like vodka and shame
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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