would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
