Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
