When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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