Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So drunk its hurt
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
