PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
