New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize