He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
