your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize