I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
