DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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