That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
