chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Randomize
