I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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