Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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