he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
