you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize