I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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