Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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