I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You pole danced in your parka.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
