i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
