Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i now understand why vodka
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
