i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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