Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
