Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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