So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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