Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
