he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's rum buckets o'clock
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize