does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
