I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize