omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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