I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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