Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
