maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
