I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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