Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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