I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
