Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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